it’s really stupid feeling homesick because when i’m home i definitely feel worse
all of the problems and anxieties that i have here are increased tenfold, and i think the shock of the return will make the effect even stronger than normal
and that’s scary because right now i feel plagued with all of the usual problems but more intensely
remember when we were friends? and you would talk to me? and you were the only person i would talk to?
why am i so annoying and self-conscious
why am i alone
why do i push people away
what am i trying to do with my life? what do i care about?
when am i going to let myself be content
when will i stop worrying about how i look and make peace with the fact that this is the face i am stuck with and that as long as my body is functioning aesthetics should not be a concern
when will i stop looking ahead to hypothetical dead ends and unsatisfying conclusions
i just feel very unfulfilled and unsatisfied and frustrated at myself and everyone else and i put myself in these situations and i make myself annoying to everyone but no one is more fed up than me. but i don’t really have anyone to talk to about this or anything at all. so i guess that’s why i will continue to recede.