Posts tagged my life.

to look for america

it’s really stupid feeling homesick because when i’m home i definitely feel worse

all of the problems and anxieties that i have here are increased tenfold, and i think the shock of the return will make the effect even stronger than normal

and that’s scary because right now i feel plagued with all of the usual problems but more intensely

like:

remember when we were friends? and you would talk to me? and you were the only person i would talk to?

why am i so annoying and self-conscious

why am i alone

why do i push people away

what am i trying to do with my life? what do i care about?

when am i going to let myself be content

when will i stop worrying about how i look and make peace with the fact that this is the face i am stuck with and that as long as my body is functioning aesthetics should not be a concern

when will i stop looking ahead to hypothetical dead ends and unsatisfying conclusions

i just feel very unfulfilled and unsatisfied and frustrated at myself and everyone else and i put myself in these situations and i make myself annoying to everyone but no one is more fed up than me. but i don’t really have anyone to talk to about this or anything at all. so i guess that’s why i will continue to recede.

so that fleet foxes facebook update

robin pecknold is in school, and i’m happy for him, i really am

but i am afraid of what this might mean for one of my favorite bands

i saw fleet foxes freshman year of college and i really needed them to tour again during my senior year, for cycles and conclusions and such

it’s not at all about me but this is how i am feeling

i am sitting on the floor eating an apple and smiling BECAUSE I AM LEAVING FOR PARIS TODAY

I LEAVE FOR THE AIRPORT IN HALF AN HOUR

PINCH ME PLEASE I AM DREAMING

#my life  

(via benjiwyatts)

#my life  

It’s a party it’s a party #ThankYouBasedMom (at Mánesova ulice)

#my life  

epilogue

despite my weird email drama, today has proven to be the most successful one in a long time. not only did i leave my bed, pay my credit card bill, and apply to over 15 (!!!!!) internships, i finally booked my flight to PARIS. 

my bank account (and sprained ankle) may be crying, but i couldn’t feel more accomplished.

#my life  

it thickens

so i sent my “professor” a reply to her crappy email earlier basically saying she sucks, but in my typical good girl nicey nice way. i told her that i was sorry about my “unexcused absence” although i found her poor organization a little bit frustrating. BUT i admitted there was no real excuse for me having missed it and apologized.

her response? a page-long play-by-play basically calling me a whiny, lying idiot who clearly doesn’t pay attention or thinks she’s entitled or is utterly brain dead. no joke: it’s a page-long, with scare quotes and references to my apparent ineptitude. if i actually respected her at all, i would probably cry, but instead i kind of can’t stop laughing.

my reply? “sorry!” boom. 

so the biggest downside of studying abroad is that the classes here are terrible. i take two of my classes with this absolutely weird and horrendous lady who makes me physically uncomfortable and at this point emotionally distraught. she’s gone from meek and awkward and non-threatening to, like, blatantly aggressive. (yes, to be fair, the thing she threw at me was a bandage for my sprained ankle, but still! such force! i recoiled in confusion and fear.)

i handed in my response paper to her on tuesday with the caveat that, hey, my handwriting is godawful and illegible and if you want i can type this up for you because i didn’t have time to do that earlier and normally that’s what i do. but no, she stammered, “i will try to read it.” yeah, okay, lady. even i can’t read my handwriting half the time. don’t say i didn’t warn you. 

this morning i got an email from her entitled “handwriting”: “your handwriting is impossible to read,” she wrote. she followed that loving platitude with the news that i am very likely to fail the final exam unless i “work on my handwriting,” as if i can just do that, develop better penmanship in a month and a half after some 17 years of chicken scratch, scrawled by a hand held hostage by poor dexterity (despite years of gaming). 

if that wasn’t enough, she ended this wonderful “good morning” note by letting me know that i now have my first of a maximum two unexcused absences because i missed a screening she will likely be reimbursed for of a film that’s over a year old and that she never once gave me any information on whether or not my attendance was required - or even where to go.

what a charming, lovely, amiable lady. and by that i mean i hope to see her go down in flames before this semester is over.

#my life  

(via axisofdicks)

she had wet hair say what you will i don’t care i couldn’t resist it